The Philosopher's Tales

Back in college, I had this nice old professor as my teacher in Ethics (let's call him Mr. R). His requirements were greatly relaxing; it only consisted of a midterm and a final oral exam as well as an optional final paper. Though it seemed that the topics would pile up due to great intervals between the tests, it was actually a breeze to review if one would take down notes from his lectures. Indeed, his class was so relaxing that most of us had, at least in one point in the entire semester, dozed off to his still, small voice. On other occasions though, he had us up and alert with his life stories that he links to his Ethics lessons. What those lessons were, I'm not so sure anymore, but his stories I can still vividly recall...

-oOo-

On his being a philosophy professor, he recalls the time when he was about to graduate. I'm not sure about the details, but it appeared that he had an immersion in a community of indigenous people somewhere in Northern Luzon. He lived with them and taught their children, and he felt fulfilled. Later, when he was back in Manila, he got a job offer from Procter & Gamble (a managerial position perhaps). It came with generous compensation that would make him well-off for the rest of his life. However, in his heart he yearned for the fulfillment he felt in his short stint in teaching. He confided his dilemma to a Jesuit teacher of his, and the priest asked him what he would think of a life of "selling soap" and the rest was history.

-oOo-

Mr. R once had a French girlfriend when he was studying in France. She was blonde, fair and beautiful, but what troubled this teacher of mine was that she was a bit taller than him. It was because in his family, the men would be consistently taller than the women. He went on with the dates, dinners and all those relationship stuff with this nagging quirk of his. Why was it that she, almost the perfect girlfriend, had to be taller than him?

At one point his girlfriend was already entertaining thoughts of marriage. She was willing to undergo surgery to be shorter than him! Even her father had approached him. "I want you to marry my daughter," the old man said.

Mr. R replied, "I'm sorry, monsieur, I can't." Just because she was taller than him.

-oOo-

Still in France, Mr. R had a terror teacher for one of his philosophy subjects. In European universities then, the teaching style was to hold lectures and provide reading assignments throughout the entire term and the student will be grilled in the final exams. A whole month was devoted to the finals and the students would sign up for their preferred schedule.

Mr. R strategized that he should sign up with the terror teacher as his last exam, so that he had all the time to prepare for the encounter. However, upon re-checking his schedule, it turned out that he actually had to take the unwanted teacher's exam first!

It was a common practice then that the French professors hold exams at their homes, and so he went to this teacher's house for his oral test. The resident had just finished his morning rituals when he led the timid and nervous student that is Mr. R to his home office, where there was a pet canary at one corner. The older students had told him to hope that the bird would sing a pleasant tune during the exam. This would put the usually gruff professor in a good mood that would consequently result to a passing grade.

"First question," the professor began (the test was in French), "what kind of man are you?"

Mr. R, frightened at that time, hurriedly wracked his brains to recall everything he learned in the Philosophy of the Human Person. He muttered the beginning of a lengthy spiel, "s-starting off with S-Socrates..."

The examiner banged his fist! "No, no, no!" He growled. Mr. R was beyond horrified.

The professor repeated: "What kind of man are you? Are you Chinese? Japanese?"

"I-I'm Filipino, sir," he answered with great relief.

"Ah, the Philippines. You do happen to have a pineapple party after the finals, don't you?"

Incredulous as the student was to the query, he could only answer in the affirmative.

The real test followed, and the canary did sing a wonderful tune. Later on, though, Mr. R would be unsure whether it was on his own brilliance or the assistance of the canary that he had made the passing mark.