Drifting Thoughts 03

I'm currently in an insecurity funk, blogging-wise. It all started last month when I was searching for a blog from a current student in the high school where I spent the last of my "boyhood days" and the beginning of my "manhood years," as I sung its song back then. Now it's a gender-sensitive "childhood days" and "youthful years" due to a shift into co-education two years, mere two years, after I graduated. Indeed within that year, my school underwent even more changes like a move into a new campus and the return of a well-respected principal. I would've thrived in those changing times, but unfortunately for me, I was in Manila by then, so I can only monitor the issues and milestones at a distance. Ever since I started blogging, I knew that the next best thing from being there is to read about the perspective of someone in there, a high school student like I was before. I was specifically looking for their opinions and pictures on a real gritty competition for my own blog entry that I hope would give my high school justice amidst the hyped competition my other alma mater had recently figured in (the plan is shelved for now, partly because I found no pics, partly because of that typhoon again) . In my search I found this, which opened me up to a blogging network of sorts of students in that school (where this one, by the way, rocks and has potential to rock even harder when she grows up). They, in turn, appear to be fans of this Manila-based high school blogger, who I think had fared well in Pinoy Top Blogs. This is where my insecurity surfaces: why do these kids' blogs, judging from the comments and hits they receive, appear to be more prominent than mine? Well, a quick answer would be because they have a readily available audience: classmates. And from these classmates the network would easily spread to their friends, then friends of friends and so on and so forth. As for me, I started blogging more than one year after graduating, enough time for contact with college friends to diminish significantly. Ironically, one of the purposes of this blog is to let these friends know what's up with my life and allow them a peek into other facets of my self that they failed to see in that introverted fellow they knew back then. Sigh. Officemates? No, I'd rather not let them know of this blog, just in case, if you know what I mean. That's why I would never mention my company, or my officemates' names here. Perhaps when I'm in another job, I'd mention them. Family? Same reason.

Another reason for diminished hits in this blog would be my infrequent posting. Like a former senate president, I may say "quality over quantity," but as with that legislator, I am not excused with this pathetic attempt to gloss over the preoccupation of probing other people's blogs instead of writing my own. Instead I should admit that inertia has me fixed on the blog-reading and an external force should act upon me to make me write. Well, I think this insecurity funk has nudged me somewhat.

I shall soldier on my blogging, slowly but surely. In fact I'm brewing an entry of apocalyptic proportions. No, it's not the third part of my Milenyo series although that one's also in the assembly line (attributing that typhoon to the Apocalypse is so pathetically naive. Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan 'wag magalit, baka yang ibato sa'yo pang-Apokalipsis na nga). It's supposed to be my Halloween entry but it's also related to the winter solstice, so the delay may be justified.

-oOo-

Last month, the world was in furor over the nuclear testing of North Korea. But underneath the crazy hair, this Dear Leader guy sure had some crazier wisdom in timing his latest belligerent act as the last among those of his co-"Axis of Evil", somewhat recognizing that the nation who had the biggest axe to grind against them would be too busy wielding its big stick against the other two to use it against him. That's why, barely a month afterwards, the noise died down--a record time for a news event like this. This is good though, the world doesn't need another war, especially not in the neighborhood at this time of the year.

In hindsight, I remember the anecdote our Israeli guest trainer shared last month about his stint in South Korea. He was amazed at how seriously the people there took their preparations for war. He said there were frequent reminders over a PA system on what to do in case of attack, presumably from the North. In his country, he compares, they may discuss it now and then, but never in a frequency and scale of that magnitude. It may be a cultural difference, but given his country's past and recent experience, we tended to agree that indeed it was a curious paranoid behavior.

Two days later the test happened.

-oOo-

Sanamagan! Manong Max is now gone! Indeed, as someone had said, he has left a void difficult to fill.

I shall write about him and another Philippine Star great, the late Teddy Benigno in another entry. This Drifting Thoughts entry is not worthy to bear tribute to them.